belly

you're running down
the most
forsaken corner
of midnight
for a place
to hang your heart and
i'm standing here
with a love
so loud
it makes me weak
i understand now
it's not in you
to love me
but when your
whispered words
come down like this
it's enough
to put worlds
in my belly

for a girl

girl
listen
be who you are
and never
apologize for
your wounded heart
or your broken smile
girl
celebrate your gifts
love your spirit
peace girl
just be
take the time it takes
to understand the
shadows in you
and make friends
for they are
uniquely your own
girl
learn the words
that make your own
soul sing
and hang them before you
for the one
who will recognize them
you girl
will know love
when you know
we are so much
more than our bodies
and everything we are
is so much bigger than
spilled tears

silence promised

i been wanting to add a photo here, but i can't think of one right now...i DO however want to post this stuff so i will repost with a photo later...=)
1.

i am a little afraid
of this moment
where you
have suddenly come
to fill the place
between us
with your smell
and your noise
i am afraid
because
i know
this may not
come again

***

2.

time it is to
set fire
to this broken heart
i want to feel anything
at all
besides
the wound
in my chest
or hear
anything but
the scream
from this cracked heart
time it is
to find out
why
to be reminded
why
i am born
love will
find me
on my knees
with this heart
full of rage and
give me the grace
to topple walls and
the strength
to step over them

***

3.

my friend,
i am sorry
that you had to see me
fall apart
like this
i just
had no place else
to go
as long as you know
everything i did
i did
with my heart
in my hands
i trust you always
because you know
a broken heart
renders words
beautiful
there is always
poetry in a fall
and right now
in this place where
my heart is not my own
i am in
one kiss too deep
struggling for beauty
fighting for my life

A Riss from a Kose

i just like this picture...i took it at a wedding a few days ago. i did not dance. i just drank chardonnay and tried not to look like i wanted to run...i think i would have run if my heels weren't so high.

the poet speaks one last word...

1.

you asked me
about poetry
and this is it:
it's like
digging holes in
the frozen earth
and spilling words
seedless, soundless and
big.
it's like
following him
down to the bottom
of your broken heart
and the only one to
come up for air
is him.
it's like
drowning
in pointless emotions.
it's like
loving
someone who kills you.
you asked me
about poetry
and that's it.

***

2.
Morning, I...

washing off the make-up
from last night
i consider
my latest brushes
with disappointment
a bad date
the end
a wedding...
i focus on
the face in the mirror
as i pass a washcloth over
the features
i call them out
my eyes.
my nose.
my ears.
my lips.
my chin.
mine.
and i realize that
even if
no one else does
i care for it
i want it
i love it
it's not nameless
it's mine and
no one else's.

***

3.

i have grown
my emotions are
no longer simple
maybe even too big
my skin can't
hold them in anymore...

***

4.

sitting in a bagel shop
downtown
pretending to be
homeless
i got
no place to go
i got
nothing to do
but sit
drink coffee and
watch people.
really
i'm just rootless
restless...
i don't want to go home
i don't want to stay outside
but i got no one to go to
so i sit
in this shop
breathing in coffee and
the cold air
people bring in
with them.

in the name of love & war...

i made a confession last night that i never really had any intention of making...but i don't regret it. it was really quite freeing.

homely girl

I have the two qualities you require to see absolute truth:

I am brilliant and unloved.

some kind of day

For reals.
I wish I could say that it was a strange day, but it wasn't. It was normal. I was strange today. I am thinking that I should take moment and fall back. Stop leaning on my people, because I can feel them getting tired of me.
I am beat and I was told that I am my own gatekeeper...my question is: when do I get to give up the keys for a little while?

Breaking the Spell

for love

i have been hurling myself after memories deep enough to get lost in and now i know that it's not the way to move ahead.
you can go forward with a broken heart even when it's pinning you to the ground.

Day One

I guess I should be in the bed sleeping, but I'm not really sleepy. I worked the over night last night, and I'm just getting home.
It's odd coming in so early the day after the old year has ended. NO ONE is on the street, it's like any zombie movie where the streets are deserted except for one person wandering around wondering what the heck happened to everyone...and you're screaming for them to stop looking for trouble and just get the hell out of town. That's what it's like out there right now whilst I sit in my kind of, but not quite, warm house, starving, drinking hot tea.
I don't make resolutions, so I won't make any except one: To love myself.
Have a good one...