3:02am

about a month and a half ago my mom's mom died. i was in florida with my family and i remember the exact moment i got the news because i was in bed sleeping and in my sleep i heard my mother sob in the kitchen. i hopped out of bed and went and stood next to her. it was a strange moment, because suddenly i felt ridiculous in my pink underpants waiting for my mother to get off the phone to hear what was happening. i think every moment when you hear of a death is a strange, strange moment. when my father's mother died i was having a dinner party. we were sitting at the table drinking wine and eating chicken when the phone rang. it was my step grandfather, who i never really liked in the first place: "Em? This is Pop. I'm just calling to tell you that your grandmother is dead." just like that. a few months later he was gone himself. the man was a coot, i don't mind saying, but it was also a strange moment. suddenly the table cloth i had put on the table was dumb. the food was dumb.
i dunno. (segue)
so, these last few weeks, i have been waking up at exactly 3:02am. i wake up look at the clock and either turn on the tv or just go back to sleep. it's to the point now that i have started doing research on the reasons why people wake up at the same time every day on their own without the use of an alarm clock.
i asked the smartest man i know. actually, he's just a man...that is why i trust what he says...anyway, being a man, his answer was very stoical and definitive: "trauma." he said. hm...
now, i can honestly say that in my life i have not suffered trauma to the extent that it will, say, wake me up in the middle of the night at the same time every night. but i am the sort of quirky person that will wake up in the middle of the night just because that's the time i wake up, do a lap around my studio and go back to bed for no other reason than that's what i do. in my search i found that it could be that there is something that happens in my immediate area at that time that is just loud enough for me to hear, but not long enough for me to register right away. see, when we sleep we sleep in cycles of light & heavy. it could be that at that time i am sleeping lightest and whatever happens penetrates my sleeping brain and wakes me up.
i could be talking out my butt...BUT i have decided to run an experiment. i am staying up tonight to see what, if anything, happens.

it is now 2:58am and so far it is all quiet.
3am: the heat just kicked in...it's not loud at all.
it's kind of crazy to be sitting here listening to my place.
3:03am: ah but wait...the heat is getting quite loud...i see...i wonder if this happens every night?
3:06am: my experiment is complete, i am ready for summer.