you could never be my man

the only kiss
my love cannot refuse
is from the tragedy of
a flawed soul
all i ever wanted
was to reach him
and for a moment
i thought i had, but
the ground
gave way
beneath me and
i tumbled into the black
and there
inside of the fall
came a light
i realized
that love
for the sake of
love
is rare
and
inside of the fall
i realized
that i am
love
sound
whole
absolute
love

***

i am still feeling crappy.
needy, tired of wanting, lonely...
this morning i woke up and did something that, perhaps, i should not have done, but i chalk it up to sleep deprivation. i was awake at 4-something am, just laying there trying to concentrate on my own heartbeat. trying to even myself out and this movie came on called "million dollar hotel". i won't say what it's about, except that i was quite taken with it.
some of the words above were inspired by that movie.

Tom Tom's Poem - from "Million Dollar Hotel"
The heart is a sleeping beauty
and love the only kiss it can't resist.
Even if its eyes lay open wide,
there is a heart that sleeps inside.
And it's to there you must be hastening.
For all hearts dream,
they dream only of awakening.

it's going to take me some time, but i know the goals i am shooting for...to find peace, to find love, to find a home.