in the dark

and then there are those
dark and lonely moments
when confessions are
ripe for the hearing
do i want to
pick up the phone and
hear that one voice
that will make it
all go away
i want to call
i want to apologize
i want to cry and
beg
please
forgiveness
i want to say
i take it back
i will take
what i can get
but i was the one
that made this choice
i was the one that
chose her health over all
...it was me...
and now i am aching
from the gaping hole
in my chest
that i opened up
the hole that can
only be filled by what
i can't ever have

***

and where are the ones to keep me from the road i want so badly to go down?
everyone is unavailable...this is why i keep my shit to myself...